April 15, 2016

Didn’t sleep well last night, forgot to take pills before bed… Yeesh getting old. Arthritis sucks. Wrote a very long letter today to part of extended family. Wondering if it will make a difference or be wasted paper. Always find myself referring to Atlas during times of great stress, almost as if it were a bible. Maybe it is… Mine at least.
Went to school early, used my volunteer badge to get E and go to back parking, front lot is a zoo because of the carnival in middle school parking lot. People parking in ditch and @ the Baptist church. I don’t abuse the badge often. Finished decorating while I waited on the bell. At least I did something volunteer-ish. 😉

Ice cream at DQ with E after school. Home for a bit, worked on that note some more… I know, I’m not penning a novel, but the message has to be right… Only one shot at this. Ball practice. Wandered about, got pictures. E distracted today, didn’t seem that interested in playing. Wonder if she’s getting discouraged? Ordered a practice tool so she can work on batting. N hit every single ball, then popped one off the bat right into his face. Bloody nose, poor kid. Note to self, put first aid kit in the car. First game is this coming Monday. Hope E snaps out of her funk and gets into it.

T supposed to at least get milage today, nothing yet. Supposedly, they have resolved the issue for a few months. Sinking… Sinking… I really hope he gets hired by another contractor soon. I hate wondering if we can pay bills from week to week w/o wiping out our savings.
Casey’s Pizza tonight. Had to eat cheap. T’s going fishing tomorrow. Not my thing, I’ll yard or WOW. Already have my first sunburn of summer. Time to start using that sunscreen! Yard looks especially beautiful this year. Maybe I’m just happy to see it all bloom… Maybe the last time.

April 14, 2016

Beyond frustrated right now. T’s company didn’t pay him AGAIN; this time they are saying it could be as much as two weeks before they catch it up. I’ve lost count of how many times they’ve done this now, but two weeks is the longest it’s ever gone before. This place is sinking faster than the Titanic and we’ve been locked below deck. T has calls in to people, hoping to get something resolved or maybe prospects for another job. Waiting sucks.

Nothing resolved with moving or the farm either. Still waiting on people to call lawyers, lawyers to call each other, someone to figure out what the next steps are. If a clock tower and a rifle could resolve this, I’d be tempted. It’s been another entire week. No discussion, no progress, NOTHING. FFS, just get off your butts and MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN already.


I don’t mind waiting. I really don’t. If I know there is a good reason for it and that things are in motion, they’ll just take time. I can be extremely patient, as long as I’m making some sort of progress.
But this inertia is killing me. And what’s worse, I’m just along for the ride. I have no control over any of it, not really a say even. I can keep asking T what’s going on and why nothing is happening… I just get another big sigh, eye roll and, “I don’t know.” I could yell and scream but it wouldn’t do any good. Not being able to just take the reins from people when they aren’t doing anything really sucks. Nothing like just sitting there in the back, watching yourself go over the cliff.

I try not to obsess, but now this thing with T’s work makes it harder. One crisis after another this month. Did I mention daughter got head lice? Several other kids in her class had it as well, so I can only speculate where it came from. Hair down to her waist. Thick as mine. It takes an hour to comb through it each time, but we’ve diligently done it every night this week.

Sad to say, handling the lice has been the highlight of this month so far. At least it’s something I CAN take action on and do something about.

Dogwood festival this weekend. Can’t believe it’s almost summer already.


April 3rd, 2016

$20 Black & Decker Drill

… Keeps going through my head over and over. All this mess with T’s family over grandparent’s estate. Everyone squabbling that they want a lawyer and to get their fair share. Going to land the damn thing in probate where it will be tied up for YEARS, more likely. And lose all kinds of $ in the process.
I wish it was just over with.

It’s been over 20 years now since my grandpa Keith died. (Is that even POSSIBLE? )
Unfortunately, I still have vivid memories of the events right before and after his death. My mom and uncle fighting over the scraps of his life like a pack of hyenas. My then-boyfriend had to yell at them both the night following grandpa’s death. They got in a screaming match in the living room over end which of them was going to take this stupid cordless drill. SCREAMING.
I told bf, “If they don’t stop, I’m going to grab it from them grandpa smash it to bits. Then there won’t’ be anything to fight over.” He made them stop. Told them they were acting like children.
My grandpa lived in a small rental apartment. He made chili for AA meetings on weekends. He had just retired from years of working in theaters. He wore 3 piece suits everyday for years. He found out he had throat cancer just after Christmas. By May 10th, he was gone. I loved him dearly.
I wanted to take home things that smelled like him, his comforter, his clothes… I wanted movie posters, because of anything else there, I felt those represented him best. My mother and uncle walked in before grandpa had even had time to be embalmed and started taking stock of anything valuable. His jewelry. The car. The furniture, appliances, stuff like that. Their interests clearly weren’t about remembrance, but “what’s in it for me?”
For all the fighting, I’ll bet they couldn’t even tell you where half that stuff is now. Some of it was sold for $. Some is rotting in my mother’s garage. Clearly, she cherished every thing she brought home. It destroyed what little relationship there was between my mom and get brother. It sickened me in a way I never forgave either of them for.
Now, I’m watching my husband’s family do the same thing. Fighting over a couple sheds full of yardsale stuff, boxes of old magazines full of brown recluse, a tiny metal boat, a tractor that doesn’t run and a a few beer stiens. The whole lot couldn’t be worth more than a couple thousand $. They act like the Hope Diamond and the Crown jewels are in those sheds.
It makes me unbelievingly sad. His grandparents even had a living trust, trying to avoid this very situation. Why do people behave like this over stuff they didn’t even earn?
All I can think of while all this stupid drama goes on is, “$20 cordless drill.” And I wonder if anyone is bothering to water papaw’s Rose of Sharon bushes that he planted the year before he died. 😦